You're my little dorito
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My vagina is very pro this idea
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
