i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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