my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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