the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
