My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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