I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
