I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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