Can Purell be used as lube?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize