Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
