I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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