I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
