I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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