Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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