Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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