So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
