i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
