He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
