you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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