they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
