If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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