Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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