got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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