Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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