Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
