Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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