phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
