Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize