i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
