Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
