blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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