true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
