I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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