Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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