dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
