ya dads aren't the best wingmen
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize