You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
