guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize