Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
