How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
