I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
