My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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