its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize