ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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