Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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