Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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