OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
