It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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