It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
