david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
