dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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