a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
