i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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