What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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