If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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