please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
