I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
