i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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