I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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