so that wasnt chicken after all
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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