We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
