Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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