Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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