So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
