I puked a lego.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
