clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
