i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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