How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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