I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
