is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
