my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
