I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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