I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
