His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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