I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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