well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
