cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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